


To Cry Over You Is To Admit That You've Won.

by AestheticGalaxy



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Aromantic Agatha Wellbelove, Baz sweetie I love you really, Crying, Cuddles, Fluff, I'm British therefore I know how to write British, ILLEGAL SPELLS, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Oblivious Simon Snow, PENELOPE I'M LOOKIN AT U, Pining Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon is so cute omg Baz I get it, Simon u dumbass, So y'know... Normal Baz, Touchy-Feely, a bit of angst, cuddles and crying, okay now the real tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-01-13 10:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18467518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AestheticGalaxy/pseuds/AestheticGalaxy
Summary: There are two possibilities as to what's on the other side of the door at this time of night. One is the Mage finally gathering enough evidence against me and my family to kick me out of this school forever at the request of Snow. Two is Snow forgot that he left the door unlocked and wants back in as soon as possible. I'm not expecting what I see there.I reluctantly open the door only to reveal the panicked face of Bunce as she holds Snow's limp body in her arms.





	1. The Accident - BAZ

**Author's Note:**

> This,,, Isn't a text fic???? Holy shit????  
> Is it really me???
> 
> AHHHHHHHHH

When I come back to the room late into the night I'm surprised by the missing presence of Snow. Normally at this time, he's passed out and already has a pool of saliva dripping from his mouth (that is if he hasn't stalked me all night). I shouldn't worry, he's probably just off on another one of the Mage's suicide missions which he just somehow miraculously survives. He could be off slaying some innocent dragon for all I know with that ridiculous sword of his.

The sword that'll one day run through my chest and spill my blood.

I shake off the thought and decide I should be off to bed. I begin to shed myself of this ugly green uniform (seriously, green? For a blazer?) and I'm half-way through unbuttoning my shirt before there's an urgent knocking on the door.

There are two possibilities as to what's on the other side of the door at this time of night. One is the Mage finally gathering enough evidence against me and my family to kick me out of this school forever at the request of Snow. Two is Snow forgot that he left the door unlocked and wants back in as soon as possible. I'm not expecting what I see there.

I reluctantly open the door only to reveal the panicked face of Bunce as she holds Snow's limp body in her arms. She pushes past me immediately to place Snow on his bed. I'm a little too dumbfounded and shocked to react so I slowly close the door as I watch Bunce closely examine Snow's body. I watch as she pokes and prods his face, lifting up his eyelids, lifting up his shirt to get a closer look. She seems frantic.

"Uh..." I say eloquently. Bunce turns to face me and then runs to grab my wrist. Her grip is tight and painful.

"I know you hate him but Crowley Baz, I need your help," she begs. I have never once seen Penelope Bunce look so desperate, so naturally, I nod.

She sighs of what I think is a feeling of relief and guides me over to him. This isn't like him. He looks so peaceful that I don't want to disturb him. For a moment I think that he just fell asleep, but by the panic that Bunce was in, I guess that was not the case.

"What exactly happened?" I question.

"We were sat in the library after hours because I wanted to 'borrow' a book on...  _Spells_ and then I started rattling on about them and I guess I must've got too excited and accidentally put magic into my words because next thing I know Simon's unconscious on the floor," she says rapidly. It takes me a moment exactly what the fuck she was saying.

"So you're saying that you could've hit Snow with almost any spell in the whole world?" She looks at me guiltily. I'd feel bad for her but there's a chance that she's killed one of the most beautiful mages so I'll save my sympathy for later.

I look down at Snow's mole-ridden body. He doesn't look like he's been hit with anything too serious. Then again most spells take mental or internal effects rather than physical. His skin hasn't changed colour and there's no foaming at the mouth so it's not a poison spell. I unbutton the top of his shirt to check his chest for signs of any spots but all I see is faded, white scars from his countless, pointless sword fights (and the few times he's accidentally slashed himself). I have spells racing through my mind trying to think of the endless possibilities that could occur from this dumb mistake.

"Go find that book and try and remember which spell knocked him unconscious, I'll stay here and make sure you didn't steal my kill," I say, keeping my face neutral. I can't let her know I actually care about the git, then she'd be too close to figuring out that I love him. I swear, sometimes Bunce is too smart for her own good.

I don't even realise that she left during my inner-monologue. I'm too concerned about Snow right now to take notice of my surroundings. Crouching down at his bedside and taking his hand in mine I find myself almost praying for him to be okay.

 _Simon Snow. You absolute nightmare. You insufferable prick. You're so alive. You've escaped death more times than you've breathed, don't you_ dare _die on me now._

I don't even think about how the Mage would use this as propaganda against me.  _'Son of Natasha Grimm-Pitch kills Chosen One as he sleeps peacefully'._ Well, I do think about it, but it isn't a priority. I don't know what to do here. I can't cast a healing spell without knowing what I'm trying to heal. Do I even need a healing spell? It might just be a spell that lets Snow get some well-deserved rest for once in his life. I'm holding his hand so tightly that I'm sure it would hurt if he was awake. I get so caught up in my head I'm not sure if I'm imagining that he was squeezing back.

Hold on.

I loosen my grip; he's still holding on tight. I look back up to his face which is staring back at me. He's looking at me with this softness in his eyes, one I've only seen when he's looking at a plate of butter. His face is smiling at me. He is smiling at me. His smile is the most adorable thing. I start to think that he's delirious and doesn't realise it's me. He begins to lean closer to me.

"Baz," He says.

And then  _he_ kisses  _me_.

 

Or at least, he tries to. I move my head so fast that he catches my cheek instead. He pulls back and stares at me like a man in love.

That's it, Snow's officially gone mad.


	2. The Revelation - BAZ

I struggle to sleep after that. Snow straight up passed out again after the incident the fucker. Lucky for him I had the decency to remove his blazer and shirt for him (I've seen him shirtless countless times now, it barely bothers me).

Why would he do that? Did he figure me out and is now teasing me with fantasies I can never really achieve? No, he's not smart enough to do that. He's possibly gone completely delirious from one of Bunce's spells. Maybe he likes you back a dark part of my brain whispers. I then remind myself that Snow is straight and dating that Wellbelove girl. He could be bi my head keeps whispering. I decide to lock that thought in a vault deep, very deep in the back of my mind. Snow's sexuality isn't my concern. My main concern right now is how the first thing he did from coming back from being unconscious is to try and snog me.

Then Bunce bursts into the room holding a thick brown book under one of her arms, her cape covering the side view. She stares at me weirdly, probably because I'm still sitting on the floor, but then just slams the book down in front of me and starts flipping pages.

"Has he woke up at all?" She asks, looking intently at the words on the page.

"Yes,"

"What did he do? Anything weird?"

I stare at the ground. I can still feel his lips against my cheek. "He tried to kiss me."

Bunce looks up at me with her eyes blown wide. She then starts rapidly flipping more pages, left and right. I start to get scared at the intensity she's staring at this book. She slams her hands against one page and slowly starts scanning down it.

"Fuck," She curses. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," she begins rambling, running her hand through her hair. She flips the book around and points at a certain spell.

 **Love at First Sight** \- a spell that when cast will cause the subject to fall in love with the first person they see once they awaken from their sleep. the spell generally lasts a week and the subject will not remember any events during this week, the reason for memory loss is unknown.

"Fuck," I agree with her. Snow is in love with me because of a spell? What the actual fuck? "Hang on, is this a book of illegal spells?"

"No Baz, it's a book of recipes."

"Recipes for disaster I suppose."

"You think you're cute, don't you?"

"I think I'm bloody adorable, but that's beside the point." Bunce rolls her eyes at me.

"What are we gonna do? Everyone's gonna notice if Simon is acting in love with his so-called arch-nemesis!"

"Are there no counter-spells?"

"I've looked, no counter-spells specialise in love spell cures, only poison."

I look over at Snow's sleeping form. Crowley, why did I tell Bunce to leave? If she had stayed she would've been the first person he saw and he wouldn't put me through this torture. How am I supposed to reject him when he's all I've ever wanted? Now he's going to be throwing himself at me on a silver platter and I can't even enjoy it.

"We may just... Have to let the spell run its course, it only lasts a week so it's not like it'll be horrific!" Bunce suggests.

"He'll kill me once it's over."

"Not according to the book, he won't even remember this week happened!" she points back to the book. While she is correct, it still feels wrong. Manipulating someone's feelings and they won't even remember what they did. No wonder it's an illegal spell.

"Can't we just lock him in an unused room? Maybe tie him up?"

"Is the idea of Simon being in love with you really that bad?"

_No, it's my wildest fantasy come true in the most twisted way possible because even if I am able to tell him how I feel then he'll never remember it. And then I can't even kiss or touch him because can he really consent in this state? Is it really the Simon Snow that I'm hopelessly in love with? The one who causes my sleepless nights and my thoughts to race at every waking moment? The one who draws me in like a burning fire that swallows you up in an instant and lets you burn? The one that-_

"Baz?" Bunce looks at me in concern. Damn it, I must've spaced out. I begin to push myself off the floor.

"It's late, you should leave," I say, opening the door for her.

"It's not that late, I could stay and help Simon," She says, begrudgingly closing the book and standing up. She places her cape over it to conceal it from view, it's honestly bold of her to assume anyone will be out this late at night.

"I'll deal with Snow when he wakes up, now can you stop trying to avoid your roommate and leave?" Bunce finally leaves the room after muttering some stuff about 'bloody pixies' under her breath. I close the door behind her and almost collapse into my own bed.

I'm going to have to deal with a week of Simon Snow, the Chosen One, acting like he's in love with me, his arch-enemy and boy who has been hopelessly in love with him for the past couple years. What a fucking delight this will be.

* * *

 

**SIMON**

Waking up that morning, I felt strange. I felt like I was lighter; almost as if a literal weight had been lifted off my chest. I also noticed that I was still in my school uniform pants. Did I really fucking sleep in those? What even happened last night? All I remember is going to the library with Penny then... Nothing.

Looking over at Baz's bed I feel my chest tighten at the sight of  _him_. Of his soft black hair; Merlin and Morgana I wanna run my hands through it. I've never felt that compulsion before. It's weird. But I don't hate it.

I slowly get up out of my bed and close the window. Baz is always naturally cold and I don't want him to be freezing when he wakes up; I'm willing to suffer the heat a little bit for him. Whoa, that's a weird feeling. Caring about Baz's needs? I've never really cared about what Baz needs before, but now I want to make sure that he has almost everything he needs.

What?

"Snow?" Baz asks, his voice still groggy from waking up. Leaning against the windowsill I turn my head towards him and smile at him. Crowley, he looks fucking adorable with his hair slightly out of place. How have I never noticed how fucking adorable Baz is?

"Hey there beautiful," I say, the words are flying out my mouth before I can stop them; I don't exactly regret them. Baz squints his eyes at me, clearly confused and annoyed.

"I'm not dealing with this shit right now," he grumbles, turning his back to me and laying back down.

Aw, he's bloody adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk dudes it's 3am and i'm honestly trying my best


	3. The First Day - BAZ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz bby I love you I swear I adore you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love isn't just about big, grand, romantic gestures. It's about the small things that begin to pile up into a still evergrowing relationship.

It's been thirty-five minutes since I woke up and I'm already dreading my life more than I usually do.

That's not to say that Snow has been dreadful, quite the opposite in fact. It's a nice change of pace to not have your roommate constantly snarling at you while you're trying to get dressed. But I'm dreading the fact he isn't. It's easier to pretend that I hate him when he's annoying me. It's harder to throw a quick quip at him when all he's doing is smiling softly at me, I hate it.

"You've got toothpaste on your cheek," Snow informs me.

"Oh, thanks." I simply wipe my cheek with the back of my hand. I'm too busy tying my tie to pay any real attention. I hear Snow sigh from across the room.

"No, it's, ugh, c'mere." He walks over and stands in front of me. He simply wipes at my face with his thumb like it's nothing. His hand is so,  _so_ warm against my face, and he keeps looking at me so softly and sincerely and he's so beautiful and I feel like he's burning me gently with every little thing he does. His hand leaves my face and I'm somewhere between disappointed and relieved until he just smiles and my head begins to short-circuit.

"Um-"

"There, I'll see you at breakfast, yeah?" Snow makes way for the door and grabs the handle, but stops before twisting it.

"Uh, yeah." Snow smiles and then heads out the room. I simply brace myself against the wall, my tie only half-done.

Shit.

* * *

 

**SIMON**

I felt that Baz was a bit weird this morning. He's normally a talking thesaurus with a hundred million words at the tip of his tongue, but today he seemed at a loss of things to say. It was strange. I hope he's okay.

That's something else that's weird. Normally in the morning, I don't generally care for my surroundings, including Baz. But today I was making sure that he was all sorted and okay. I was caring about Baz's wellbeing. That's not normal. I should really talk to Penny about this.

Speak of the devil, I find Penny sat at our table rambling to Agatha with a pile of scones between them. I'm confused as to why Agatha's sat here again; she stopped talking to us a while ago. I rush over to them and as soon as I'm sat down Penny looks at me relieved.

"Crowley, Simon, you're okay!" she breathes. I grab a scone from the mountain of them and immediately start buttering it.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I laugh, Agatha looks at me confused.

"I thought Baz would've killed you by now!"

"I thought Baz would've killed me five years ago but here I am."

"That's not what I mean.

"What do you mean?" I ask. Penny and Agatha both share a look and I feel completely lost.

"Did Baz not tell you?" Agatha asks, grabbing my wrist. I feel like I should be concerned with the way the mention of Baz's name makes my chest twist in a way that isn't exactly unpleasant.

"Tell me what?"

"Bunce." Baz's voice is cold, but it makes me feel warm. He stands over our table with his arms crossed. Normally I'd think he looks like a prick standing like that. But fuck what's normal, Baz looks gorgeous.

If he weren't a vampire, Baz would be bloody perfect. Baz is bloody perfect, vampire be damned. He's tall, he's intellectual, he's athletic, he's a musical genius, he's handsome, he's walking away with Penny. Wait. He's walking away with Penny? Since when have him and Pen been so close?

"Simon." It's not like Baz and Penny have  _never_ talked. But they don't really talk unless they necessarily have to. Or when they're being mean to each other because, I mean, we're on two opposing sides of a whole war you can't expect us to be nice to each other. "Simon!"

I turn my attention to Agatha, who looks mildly annoyed with me. But then she just sighs.

"Listen, I know we haven't talked about it, but what happened between us-"

"We don't have to get into that if you don't want to." I don't want to. It's over between us, she made that clear the first time.

"I do, and don't interrupt me." She takes a breath. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be that 'perfect one' for you, but that's not what I wanted. I didn't want to have my future pre-determined just because of who I was dating - I still don't want that. I want to be able to date other people; to experiment a bit with who I am and I'm still figuring that out. And I'm sorry that I couldn't give you your happy ending."

Agatha grabs my hand and I think for once, I understand what she's saying. I should've understood from the beginning, it's so obvious. Agatha isn't selfish - she just wants to understand who she really is.

"But I think you've found someone who's willing to give you the happy ending you wanted." She gets up and starts to leave.

"What-"

"Good luck with the Humdrum Simon, Merlin knows you'll need it."

And suddenly, I'm left with a head full of confusion and a mountain of scones. What's the point in being confused? I'd rather not think about it all.

* * *

 

**BAZ**

The entire day It's almost like I can fell Snow's eyes following me. But it's not like fifth year when it was spiteful stalking, no, now I know that it's because he can't keep his eyes off of me and it's killing me inside. I just want to grab him by the face and kiss until we're both breathless and weak. He probably wouldn't stop me in his state so I guess I have to be the one with self-control.

The only thing stopping me from taking Snow by the shoulders and just completely forgetting the world was the fact he'd probably kill me if I did. But now, he wouldn't stop me, he wouldn't want to. But this isn't Snow, he's not the same Snow if he doesn't hate me.

_"Can't he stay with you? I'm sure you know how to sneak people in and out of your dorms considering how much you sneak into the Mummers house," I asked Penny. I can't have Snow stay with me like this, I'm scared of what I'll do._

_"Trixie would say something about it! And then Trixie would tell Keris and then Keris would go and tell everyone!" Bunce argued rationally. "I'm sorry but you're gonna have to put up with this Simon for a week."_

_But I'm afraid of what I might do_ is what I almost said. I would never hurt Snow, not purposefully I mean. 

After dinner, I manage to sneak down to the catacombs without Snow staring at me and I take those few moments of peace and savour them.

Who knew that my wildest fantasy could turn into my absolute worst nightmare? Simon Snow loves me, but only for a week. Once this week is over he'll go back to hating my very existence and then one day run his sword through my chest on the battlefield.

Once I've drained a couple of rats (stress-eating) I head back up to the room only to see Snow sat cross-legged on his bed, staring at the ground. I close the door and the noise alerts him that I've entered the room. He smiles at me gently. Fuck.

"You alright Baz?" He asks genuinely. I wanna kiss him. "You look a little flushed."

 _You look a little cute_. "I'm fine."  _I just drank rat's blood._

"Tired?"

"I guess."

"Get some sleep then, you've looked pretty tired the past couple days."

"Gee, thanks."

Snow laughs. He's cute when he laughs. Every time he does there's one mole on his face that disappears on his face. I've tried counting the moles on his face but I always get lost. I'm pretty sure I could connect some of them and get the Libra constellation at least, possibly Orion. I'm almost one hundred per cent sure that I could get every constellation on his body, I know for a fact that he has Draco on his back.

I also know for a fact that I am completely, and utterly fucked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baz rambles in his head and you can't take that away from me  
> (If u don't believe me take a look at Chapter 61 'Is this a good kiss?...')
> 
> Also people in the fandom don't like Agatha for some reason but like,,, She just wants to be herself she doesn't want all this magickal crap give her a break.


	4. The Third day - BAZ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have read every other Love potion/spell fic and I'm so annoyed why aren't most of them finished and why are there only 10 OTHERS!??!?!?!?! C'MON GUYS DRARRY HAS 83!
> 
> Skipped the second day because it would've just been very similar to the first

Life is a curse set upon us to make us realise exactly how sweet our deaths will be.

I wish I had a death wish, that would make everything so much easier. Such as things like the last two days.

Doing some research of my own, I found that  **Love At First Sight** is one of the weaker love spells, a crush spell if you will, meaning that Snow is not overly obsessed with me, just mildly. Snow's lucky he didn't get hit with a spell such as  **Can't help falling in Love** , or even a  **Shape Of You**. If it were the latter we would be having a very different issue here. But our main issue here, now, is that Snow doesn't know that he's under a love spell, and no one is willing to tell him. I would tell him, but then he would think it's one of my plots and tell the Mage once it's worn off.

 _But he won't remember_. I lock that thought deep in the back of my mind because that's another issue. Snow won't remember any of this. I guess that's better because he can't be embarrassed by any of it. But it's worse because he won't be aware of any of his actions during this week. It's a sick spell; it's disgusting.

"Hey," Snow says softly. I look up from the ground to stare at his concerned face.  _It's fake, it's not real, it's the spell_. "You seem tense, y'alright?"

"I'm fine, Snow," I reply coldly. I can't let him be nice to me, that'll just add to the illusion that he actually cares about me.

"Please don't lie to me Baz,"  _I've been lying to you this whole time_. "Just tell me what's up?"

"And why would I do that?" I question. I guess I can't really stop being snarky towards him. Words are pouring out my mouth before I can stop them. "We're not  _friends_ , Snow. You don't come whine at me about your problems, I don't whine at you with mine, that's not the kind of relationship we have."

Snow shifts on his feet. "It's one we could have."

I look at him blankly. "What?"

Snow sits on his bed across from me. "I'll go first, Agatha broke up with me like, a week ago? And I'm not sure if I should feel relieved about that."

I blink a couple of times to make sure this is all real. Snow is actually venting to me about his problems right now. What the fuck?

"I mean, we talked yesterday and we're on good terms, I'm happy for her, but when we broke it off I felt like..." He pauses, taking a breath. "I felt better? I guess I didn't realise it but I don't think I was happy with her. Don't get me wrong Agatha is an amazing person but we just didn't belong together."

"Were you ever happy with her?" I don't know why I'm taking part in this, it's ridiculous.

"Probably, at one point." He looks down, then shaking it off and looking back up at me. "Now c'mon, what's up with you?"

 _So many things_. "It's honestly nothing Snow."

He's about to open his mouth but I get up and leave before he can. I'm not dealing with this today. I can't be around him any longer. I need to talk to someone.

* * *

 

**SIMON**

I slam myself down at the breakfast table, alerting Penny of my presence and making her look up from her book. Agatha isn't here again today, or at least she just hasn't shown up yet.

"I've got a problem, I say urgently. This  _thing_ I've been feeling for the last two days, this thrumming in my chest and the fuzziness in my head, I've finally figured it all out.

"What is it?" Penny asks, her eyes going back towards the book, taking a sip of tea.

"I think I'm in love with Baz." Penny gags, her eyes going wide. She closes her book and put her tea aside, looking at me in the eyes.

"Is that what you think?"

"It's the only thing that makes any sense!" I run my hands through my hair, trying to destress myself. "Every time I look at him he's the only thing I can think about! I can never stop thinking about him! I can't even sleep at night Pen!"

Penny just looks at me with a strange look in her eyes. "Isn't that what you said in fifth year when you thought he was plotting so you stalked him?"

"What if..." I pause. I did think that Baz was about to kill me in fifth year, but I also thought that he was going to kill me every other year. What made that year different? Maybe... "I think that I tricked myself into thinking that just so I didn't have to admit it before I was ready."

"What are you-"

"Hey guys!" Agatha finally joins us. I look at Pen, silently begging her not to tell Aggy. She nods subtly, starting a new conversation.

"So Ags, did you hear about the second year kid?"

* * *

 

**BAZ**

Snow is avoiding me today. It's nicer than being stalked, but also concerning.

Maybe it's possible the spell has worn off already, his potent magic may have caused him to be affected a little differently or simply just overrode the spell. Knowing him, anything's a possibility. It's one of the things I love about him.

I make it back to the room and Snow is sat solemnly. He's looking down at his clasped hands as if they'd just betrayed him.

"Snow?" I ask, concern evident in my voice. Fuck. 

He doesn't even look up at me. "Can we talk?"

"Sure?" I sit down across from him, similar to this morning when he was ranting to me about his feelings. That moment felt so unnatural, this moment is scaring me. He looks uncomfortable, his eyes keep shifting away and towards me. He keeps opening his mouth to say something but keeps cutting himself off before a sound leaves his lips. I almost pity him. I do.

"Fuck it," I hear him mumble, I don't think I was meant to. "There's no easy way of saying this. We've been enemies for years now, we've both said some shitty things to each other and I just... Fuck, I hate it Baz. I hate fighting you. I don't want to end up with one of us dead by the other's hands just because of some dumb war!"

Snow has gotten up and started pacing. He's started rambling about the war and how useless it is. He looks so frustrated and I can't help but feel the same. Is this how he's felt about the war this whole time? Maybe he won't have to kill me, maybe he won't even try and fight me. I entertain those thoughts for a moment until I remember that our story can only end one way. With the end of mine. Snow lets out a groan of annoyance.

"What I'm trying to say Baz is that," He kneels in front of me, taking both my hands in his. "I think I'm in love with you."

I'm frozen for a moment until I feel a sad smile gracing my own face. I take one of my hands out of his and hold his face.

"No, no you're not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter ik, but we getting to the good stuff bois  
> But what do I mean by good stuff?
> 
> (Honestly, I don't have a plan for this fic I just have this one scene I wanna write because I love putting characters through stuff like this).


	5. The Revelation - SIMON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY OTHER SNOWBAZ FIC 'IF I WASN'T SUCH A DISASTER' IS FEATURED ON THE HIGHLIGHTS OF ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SNOWBAZ INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS HAKSFHAJKDFGAKHDGF
> 
> MOSTMAGICALMAGICIAN IF UR HERE I LOVE YOU
> 
> (First half of this chapter is bleh and I'm really fuckin lazy but I still tried my best).

"No, no you're not."

I froze. Was this his way of rejecting me? Of turning me down?

"What do you mean? Baz I'm trying to tell you that I love you!" He laughs in my face. I'm almost offended until I realise - it's a sad laugh.

"As much as I wish that were true, you're not," Baz looks down, taking his hand off of my face. "You were hit by a spell, and it made you _think_ you were in love with me."

I was  _what_? It's just a spell? No, no no. But this feels so  _real_. Baz makes my heart want to jump out of my chest and into his arms. I want him to hold me - I want to hold him. I want to be able to kiss him; to touch him. I want him. There's no way this is just a spell?

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I didn't want you to think it was me who cast it."

"You didn't?"

"Crowley Snow, no! Illegal spells are beneath me."

"Then why are you telling me now?"

"I didn't think it was this bad,  **Love at first sight** is just a crush spell, plus you're going to forget this week ever happened, I was hoping you'd just forget it and move on."

I'm going to forget this? All of this?  I don't want to forget this, any of it.

"Please, get some rest, the faster we get through this week the better." Baz gets up from his bed and rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door. I'm left still kneeling in front of his bed where he sat.

I don't remember what it feels like to hate him. I don't think I want to remember. What if that's just the spell talking? I'm not sure if it is. Why did I hate Baz in the first place? Did I hate him? I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything anymore.

* * *

 

**BAZ**

I didn't have the heart to tell him Bunce cast the spell, it was an accident after all. I'm sure that Bunce will tell him it was her when she's ready, or at least when the spell wears off.

I wonder if Dev would let me stay in his room for the next four days. Of course, he already has Niall as a roommate but I'm willing to compromise. Then again Dev and Niall have their own thing going on, what with Dev crushing on him like there's no tomorrow. Hell, at this point I'm considering staying in the catacombs again. Then again Snow could easily find me there. I don't want him to find me. I don't want to hurt him.

_But won't staying away from him hurt him more? Snow thinks he's in love with you, wouldn't it be better to give him what he wants?_

It's not Snow. It's some weird spelled up Snow. He's not my Snow.

No matter how much I wish he was.

* * *

 

**PENELOPE**

"You seriously drink your tea with _three_ sugars?"

Agatha shrugs. "I have a natural sweet-tooth." She taps her teaspoon against the side before discarding it and sipping her tea. Her disgusting monstrosity of tea. Honestly, three sugars? Even just two is pushing it.

Throwing that aside, it's been nice having Agatha back around. She'll often just sit near me whilst I flick through old spell books distracting herself with whatever. She'll occasionally ask about what I'm reading and takes a genuine interest. There will be a light conversation here and there, but we just enjoy being in each others company.

"Speaking of a sweet-tooth," Agatha tries to grab my attention. I hold my hand up for a moment, just needing a  _little more time to finish this sentence and... done!_ I look up at her. "Baz."

I roll my eyes lightly at her. Seriously? We're spending our private time talking about Baz? Did Simon learn some kind of body swapping spell?

She stirs her tea with her spoon once more. "Does he honestly think he can avoid Simon like this?"

"I wouldn't put it past him, he managed to avoid Si pretty well even when he got stalked by him."

Agatha sighs. "I'll rephrase the question. Why do you think he's avoiding him?"

"I think we'd all try and avoid people who got hit by love spells, they're insufferable." I laugh a little, poor Simon.

"I'm just saying, I didn't think Baz would hate this as much as he seems to be."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I just thought that Baz liked Simon, as in like,  _liked_ him."

I actually close my book and put it down. " _What?_ "

"Isn't it obvious?"

" _No!_ "

Agatha makes a small sound of surprise, I'm still looking at her in disbelief. How could a person think that the great Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, son of Natasha Grimm-Pitch, could be in love with actual human disaster Simon Snow? (No offence Si). I'm pretty sure that Baz would rather date a tree leaf than Simon.

"How did you even come to that conclusion? Did he tell you himself?"

"Crowley, no," she laughs lightly. It's a sweet laugh, as sweet as her tea must be. "Haven't you seen the way Baz looks at Simon when he thinks no ones watching? It's almost sad, like the one thing he wants is just out of reach."

I'm still just staring at her. Agatha is such a sweet girl, but she jumps to conclusions way too fast.

"And why else would Baz try and get me away from Simon when he doesn't even like me like that? Like at the end of last year, he wasn't trying to tear me away from Simon, he was trying to make Simon  _jealous_."

Okay, I have to laugh at that one. Baz trying to make Simon jealous? Was she joking?

"Laugh all you want Pen, but you can't deny it."

"They're mortal enemies Ags, Baz has hated Si since they first met." I reasoned, Agatha shook her head at me.

"Romeo and Juliet were meant to be enemies."

"Didn't they both die in the end?"

Agatha shrugs again, apathetically. "No one said love stories had to be happy."

And with that, she stands up and leaves.

Now I'm stuck with a million questions in my head. The first being why does Agatha think of Romeo and Juliet as a love story when it's literally a fucking tragedy I mean c'mon they were like, twelve. Second, being the possibility that Baz may actually like Simon. I mean, Baz was more than keen to help Si when I brought him back to the room unconscious. But that's what anyone would do when there's a person who could quite possibly be dead lying around in your room. Third, is that a conversation with Simon comes into my head. " _I think that I tricked myself into thinking that just so I didn't have to admit it before I was ready_." But that could quite possibly just be the love spell talking, right?

Right?

* * *

 

**SIMON**

"Baz, you've been in there for an hour!" I shout at the bathroom door. I don't get a reply. I begin to think that Baz may have jumped out the bathroom window, only to come to the realisation that we don't have a bathroom window. So he's definitely in there.

I only want to talk to him. He said that he didn't cast this... This  _spell_ on me so I wonder if he knows who did. Then I begin to wonder If I am actually under a spell. My body doesn't feel any different (except that I haven't felt like going off in a while) and neither does my head. The only difference is that I seem to actually like Baz - love Baz even.

And I'm not so sure that's even a difference.

Baz has always made my head spin. Of course at first, I thought it was out of anger. I used to think he was such a bloody prick and now I'm thinking that I've just got all my feelings muddled up. It wouldn't surprise me, I am kind of a human disaster. So how many times have I mistaken my heart skipping a beat for the drums of war? How many times have I mistaken the fact he can't leave my head for pure, blind hatred? How many times have I thought that he was the bane of my existence when he was all I ever wanted?

The bathroom door finally opens and Baz instantly walks past me and jumps straight onto his bed. He picks up a book from underneath and completely ignores me. I'm. a little shocked.

"Can we please talk about this?" I ask, he doesn't look at me.

"What is there to talk about?"  _You. How amazing and beautiful and-_ okay. Yeah, I can hear the spell talking. Wow. I try and come to grips with my own head.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I know you said it's because you didn't want me to believe that you cast the spell or whatever, but still."

Baz sighs, putting down his book and staring at the wall. "Do you want me to be completely honest with you, even though you're gonna forget it all anyway?"

"Might as well please me." I smile, he isn't looking at me.

"I didn't want to admit it." He looks at his feet as if they were holding a script. "I just wanted to ignore it all. If I pretended that you weren't under a spell, then I wouldn't be so shocked when reality hit me in the face."

I'm silent. I'm not quite sure about what he's saying though, but I shouldn't pry.

Then my head is cast back to when we were speaking earlier when he told me about the spell.

"W- What did you mean when you said that you wished it were true that I was in love with you?" I ask, curious. Baz looks at me as if I'd just shot him in the foot. He opens his mouth, then closes it. He then opens it again only to close it once more. I think he's lost for words. I have never once in my life seen Baz speechless.

He looks over at me, a hurt look in his eye. "Because." he frowns. "Because I am so utterly and hopelessly in love with you."

My whole world stopped. Baz was in love...  _With me_? Me? Simon Snow, the Mage's Heir, the worst Chosen one to ever be chosen, me?

The one who he's been fighting all these years... Why have we been fighting? I don't wanna fight him. Did I ever?

"You said the spell lasts a week, right?"

"Yes."

"Then we have about four days left if I'm right?" I question, Baz nods slightly confused. "How about we just... Date then?"

Baz looks at me as if I'm insane. He looks at me like that a lot. 

"You love me, and I love you, so why not?"

" _Merlin and Morgana_ because you're under a spell! This isn't the real you!"

"It's not like I can get mad at you, I won't even remember."

"Exactly! That's why this is so fucked up!" Baz is shouting now. He's up from his bed and pacing a little bit. "I mean, what kind of consent lacking shit is this? I'm not gonna let you kiss me when-"

"Christ Baz, I'm not talking about kissing," I admit, because I'm not. I just want to be able to call Baz mine. He looks at me, a question on his face. "I just-"

"What?"

I was never good at using my words. So instead I just walk over to him and hug him, because it's what we both need right now. Just a little support. Baz's arms are still at his sides, and it makes me question if he's ever been hugged before. He does then slowly wrap his arms around me. It's not the most comfortable thing, but again, it's what we really need right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Simon Snow is lying on the sofa.' Iconic, revolutionary, brilliant.
> 
> Also 'tis back to school for moi tomorrow so probably some less frequent updates for this fic (although i'm gonna try my best bc I love my bois <3)


	6. The Indulgence - BAZ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend who I admitted to having a crush on literally stopped having a conversation with me so she could stare at this cute teacher and I'm just ?????
> 
> So I wrote some filler fluff to calm myself down

Crowley, I'm weak.

I'm a Pitch, I come from a bloodline of some of the world's greatest mages. We never back down from any kind of challenge without a fight and a bit of blood shed. But Merlin, the Lord must be testing me right now. Snow is laying against me on my own bed, his soft curls tucked underneath my sharp jaw.

He's so warm and I'm so weak. Just one simple brush of his fingers would be enough to keep me warm for a month. He's a raging fire and I'm just a simple moth being pulled in by the promise of light. His dull blue eyes are a striking comparison from the rest of his face, all warm colours with two stormy moons pulling you in like the tide. He's the sun, and I'm crashing into him.

I would continue my inner-monologue but Snow is making a quiet shushing sound into my chest. Not to mention he's running his fingertips lightly along my spine. It makes me want to kiss him, but I won't.

"You should really stop thinking so much," he comments. His fingers stop just between my shoulder blades and he presses down lightly. "It makes you tense up here."

I shiver, because I'm constantly cold, not because Snow is dragging his fingers across my skin lighting up every single inch with flames. "You want me to just stop thinking?"

"It's what I do."

"You don't think?"

"S'pointless."

I laugh at that. Because of course he doesn't think. He's Simon Snow, he's never had a coherent thought in his life. He moves his head from under my chin to look at me in the eyes. He looks so soft. I could kiss him, but I won't.

"I even made lists of things to not think 'bout over summer."

"Was I ever on those lists?"

"Crowley no," Snow smiles gently. "Trying not to think about you is like trying not to think about an elephant standing on my chest."

I pause. "I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not."

He shrugs. "I always thought you were off plotting my death somewhere. Just out there, making the perfect plan on how to trap and kill me."

"I could never kill you," I admit. Because it's the truth. I would never lay a harmful finger upon him.

"I know that now." He smirks playfully. "Because you're, what were the words? You're 'so utterly and hopelessly in love' with me?"

"Crowley." I take his arms off of me and sit up straight on the bed. Snow is still lying there laughing.

Leaning against the wall I sit and stare at him. His chest is moving up and down rapidly with his laughter and his eyes a squeezed shut. He looks so much brighter than he ever has before, almost like someone has cast  **Shine Bright Like a Diamond** on him instead of the stupid, shitty love spell. All of the constellations on his skin keep shifting along with his pure, sweet laughter. I could trace every single one but I'll always lose count. Simon Snow is so, _so_  alive, he's got my share of it.

He finally calms down and just lays on my bed. He lays there and stares up at me like I'm beautiful to him. If he ever said it out loud I'd argue with him, but now I just have to take it. Slowly, he lifts himself up and pushes his face right in front of mine. I'm scared he's going to kiss me, he doesn't.

"Say it," He says, his dumb smile still on his face.

"Say what?" I ask, acting oblivious to his request.

"C'mon," he whines adorably. "Don't make me beg."

"Why not? I think you'd sound cute begging."

"You already think I'm bloody adorable."

"Touché," I mutter. He's still waiting for me to say it. He's got his eyes closed and everything.

It doesn't matter if I say it to him a hundred times, he's still going to forget. So why not indulge myself a little? I've still got four days to spend with him and maybe just pretend I could have a life like this. Pretend that I could have a life with him.

"Simon Snow, I will be in love with you until the day I take my final breath."

He hums. "There it is." His arms come and wrap around my shoulders. He doesn't kiss me. His head comes to rest against mine and his mouth is whispering into my ear. "But it's pretty bold of you to assume that I'll ever let you take a 'final breath'". He pulls me back down onto my pillow again. It's going to smell like him for awhile now. I don't let myself think about that.

"Are you going back asleep already?" I ask, he seems sleepy. Either that or he's going to take a nap just because he can.

"Correction: we're going back asleep already, I'm not letting you go, Pitch."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *Takes a break from writing to attempt to better my mental health*  
> Also me: *Not writing makes me feel antsy and like I'm wasting all my time doing nothing*
> 
> This ain't just about fanfics btw dw I'm not sacrificing myself for validation online anymore I just get very anxious when I haven't written anything in a while (e.g my book(s)).


	7. The Moment - PENELOPE

"How do you even understand Greek anymore? Like, it's an entirely different alphabet!" Agatha complains for the sixtieth time this morning. She dramatically throws her head on the table. "I just wanna learn French like the Normals, Je ne suis pas heureux de cette vie!"

I stare down at her because I have no fucking clue what the shit she just said. "I'm sure you could teach yourself, I mean, that sounded pretty French to me."

"You expect me to teach myself an _entire_ language, by myself?"

"I mean... We could learn it together?"

Agatha perks up and looks at me with wide eyes. "You mean it?"

"Well, yeah! It could be really fun to learn, not to mention I'd probably impress Micah next time I visit him," I say. I've never understood French, but if I did that would also open up a whole new world of spells just waiting to be cast! And imagine all the new illegal spells I could find.

Agatha looks like she's just got a new horse for her birthday; I haven't seen her smile like that in a while. In fact, she's seemed a lot better these past few days than she has in the past few weeks. I guess I never realised how her's and Simon's relationship affected  _her_. She smiles a lot brighter now. Like she has more life in her. I then notice that she's looking towards the doors of the dining hall with an incredibly confused face playing on her features. I turn my head around and- oh no.

Normally when I see Simon, I feel happy. He's my best friend and I love seeing him happy. But not like this. Not when he's linked arm-in-arm with the ever so joyful Basilton Pitch with the loveable constant frown on his face. Simon's smiling like an idiot next to him - I'm gonna be sick.

They sit down across from me and Agatha; we're both too dumbfounded to say anything. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch is sat at our table, and Simon's fawning over him.

Baz's eyes are shifting between me and Agatha almost nervously, but he's still got that frown on his face. He begins to pull Simon's arms off of his own.

"I'm going to get some tea, do you want anything?" He asks Simon softly. The question is so quiet I almost didn't hear it.

"Mm, scones," Simon mumbles dreamily. I hear Baz repeat it back to himself quietly as he walks away. I'm now sat there staring at Simon's dumb lovestruck face which is staring at Baz (or at least the lower area of him) as he walks away. I snap my fingers in his ears to bring him back to reality.

"What the hell Simon!" Agatha whisper-shouts in a tone that I agree with right now. Simon must've gone insane from the spell.

"Hm?"

"How the hell did you convince  _Baz Pitch_ to tolerate you?" I ask because it is a mystery. Baz has hated Simon for years and was even begging me to let him stay in my room because of this spell and how annoying he'd get. Now he's letting Simon latch onto him like a koala? Maybe Agatha was onto something... Nope. I refuse to believe it.

Simon laughs a little. "He's not tolerating me, he likes spending time with me."

" _What_."

"Merlin Pen, Aggy, you should've seen him last night. He was being so  _open_ with me." Simon looks down at the table, a joyful look in his eyes. "I think he might  _actually_ love me back."

I freeze. The spell is making Simon delusional, it has to be. Because there is no way that the cold-hearted, son of a bastard Basilton Pitch could even feel love, much less love Simon (Sorry Si).

"Wait," Agatha calls attention to herself. "Baz is actually gay?"

"I don't think that's the thing we should be focusing on here Agatha." Wasn't she the one who assumed that Baz is in love with Simon in the first place? She looks over at me with this look in her eyes and- Crowley, she's playing dumb.

Soon there's a large plate of scones being placed on the table and Basilton Pitch takes a seat next to Simon once more, stirring a cup of tea calmly. Simon looks at the scones once then he's looking over at Baz with the same look he always gives a plate of butter. The next moment happens in a flash and I can't believe I caught it with my own eyes. Simon leant over and  _kissed_ the cheek of  _Baz Pitch_. Baz looks about as shocked as I feel.

Then once Simon's busy with his plate of scones I notice Baz hold his hand up to his cheek, smiling to himself a little as he stares down at his teacup. I'm pretty sure I notice a slight blush on his cheeks and - Oh my Crowley.

Agatha leans over to whisper only to me. "I told you so."

"This is hardly the time Agatha."

* * *

 

**SIMON**

I know that Baz loves me. I know he does. But I couldn't say that to Penny. I can't say it to anyone, no matter how much I want to.

Not only would it be betraying Baz's trust in me, but it would mean that other people would know. I'm the only one who knows that information, it makes me feel even more special than he already does. But then I remember that I'm going to forget it, and that's the only reason he's told me now. I don't want other people knowing that he loves me when I'm going to forget it. I don't want other people to know how sweet Baz actually is when he's with someone he loves. I want to keep that Baz to myself, I don't care how selfish it is, it's true.

We're walking to class now because sadly, we are in a school and we do have to go to classes. My anxiety would go through the roof if I purposely skipped a class because I wanted to, not because I had to. And with all those previous thoughts floating about in my head (because Baz is the one thing I can never stop thinking about) I tug on Baz's sleeve lightly to get his attention. I get it.

"What is it, Snow?" he asks, stopping in the hallway. Other students stop and stare at us, I don't really care about them.

"I- um." Fuck.

"Use your words, Snow," he mocks. It's only because other people are here. He doesn't want to be mean to me, not really.

There are so many things I want to say to him. That I love him, I don't want to forget him, I want to stay with him. I opt for something more subtle. "Can I hold your hand?"

I'm surprised that he heard what I said, I guess it comes with being a vampire and all that. He glances around the hall. "There are people here."

"I know."  _I want them to know that I'm in love with you, that you're everything to me, and that I would spend every minute of my life in utter hell if it meant I could just be near you._

Baz looks at the ground for a moment. I think that he's just gonna start walking to class until I feel his hand slip into one of mine. He intertwines our fingers and even just that small action causes heat to rise to my face. He then starts dragging me along to class.

I don't think I've been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is 1:34am and I need to wake up at 7:00am. Wish me luck y'all <3.


	8. The Game - BAZ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter because I really really REALLY wanna move onto day seven and I didn't plan for days 2-6 so uhhhhh fuckkkk

"Snow, I've got practice."

"No," he whines. "You have a needy, touch-starved roommate."

He's ridiculous. I love him.

He's sat cross-legged on his bed, holding his hands out to me like a child begging to be picked up. He's even pouting the fucker.

"You could come watch me at practice if you want?" I offer but I really don't want him to. The idea of Snow coming to watch me on the pitch all sweaty and disgusting makes me want to die a little inside. Or at least, die a little more.

But Snow seems to be biting his lip at the idea, his eyes scanning me up and down. I shift from one foot to another awaiting his answer.

"Yeah, alright."

* * *

 

**SIMON**

Baz is fucking gorgeous when he plays.

His hair is pulled back by bobby pins and it's the most adorable sight. They're nearing the end of the second half of the game and I can see the sweat causing his kit to cling to him as if it were skin-tight. Speaking of the kits. They're disgusting. They're neon green and they don't do Baz  _any_ justice. I'll bring it up to the Mage one day, hopefully, he'll change it. Anyways, his legs are more built than you'd think if looking at him for the first time. They're pure muscle at this point. I wouldn't mind having them wrapped around me as I-

"Hiya Snow!" A deep voice interrupts my thoughts as I feel someone slap me on the back harshly. They don't move their hand. I manage to tear my eyes off of Baz for a moment to look at-  _Dev._ Baz's cousin. 

Shit.

"What you doing down here?" He asks.

 _Staring at your cousin's ass_. "Thinkin' about joining the team." I lie.

Dev hums, taking his hand off of me. "Didn't take you as the athletic type."

"I'm not," I admit. "It'd get me a closer eye on Baz. 'Cause y'know, he's plotting." Is that how I used to talk about Baz? I think so. I can't believe I used to think he was plotting. The only thing he was plotting was how to get me to kiss him.

"Right, I almost forgot 'bout that whole mortal-enemies thing." Dev waves his hand.

So did I. It's hard to imagine myself hating Baz anymore. He's just a lonely kid who wants to be loved. And an attractive one at that.

"If ya wanna pass off that mortal enemy thing then I'll give ya some advice." Dev placed his hand on my shoulder and leans over to whisper in my ear. I feel unsafe. " _Ya best stop staring at his ass, yeah?_ "

I freeze. He noticed? When? "I-I'm not!" My voice cracks. Fuck.

"'ts alright dude. If I were to say anythin' about you two I'd be a bloody hypocrite after all I've been doin' with Niall."

"You and Niall?"

"All the time."

I pause, not really knowing what he meant. Am I really being that obvious? Oh, Crowley what if I out Baz with my obviousness? He'd fucking hate me, wouldn't he? I couldn't handle Baz hating me, not when I know that I'm actually in love with him. When he's actually in love with me.

Crowley, Baz is actually in love with me. And I know a hundred per cent that it isn't because of some sort of spell. Baz actually  _loves_ me. And I'm going to forget all about it. Forget how sweetly he can smile. Forget how his soft, grey eyes light up at the sight of me. Forget how soft and warm he can actually be with me. Forget that Baz is in love with me. Forget that Baz is  _in love_ with  _me_.

I don't want to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most my friends are out here doing Duke Of Edinburgh and here I am sat huddled over a computer listening to Simon Curtis and wishing I had a girlfriend
> 
> Also, we're getting up to the last chapter here... Is it gonna be fluffy? Is it gonna be angsty? Is it gonna be both???? Who knows????


	9. The Night & The Day - BAZ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna name this chapter 'The Angst' but I decided not to  
> Oh well, heres some angst

Simon Snow is laying in my arms, his breathing slow, and his steady heartbeat thrumming against my undead chest. He's not asleep yet, but he's about to drop off soon.

I always thought the closest I could get to Snow was having him lie three feet away from me whilst he's sleeping. I could count his moles from afar as drool dripped down his cheek. His hair splayed against the pillow as it shifts into that same loveable mess every morning. His breathing soft, despite the quiet snoring every night (mouth breather).

My top feels wet, so I imagine he must be drooling already. I only entertain that thought until I hear soft sobs coming from him.

"Snow?" I try lifting his head up to see that tears are tracking down his golden face. It's not a good look on him. I manoeuvre him to sit on my legs as he continues to cry. "Merlin Snow, are you all right?"

"Y-yeah, it's nothing." He pushes the heel of his hand into his eye, hoping to stop the tears.

"It's clearly not nothing, what's bothering you?"

Snow looks down for a moment, still sniffling a little. "It's the end of the week."

I should've kept a closer count of the days. The news hits me like an oncoming train. I knew Snow wouldn't be in love with me forever, but that selfish part of me wanted this week to last just a little bit longer.

"And I-" he chokes. "I'm afraid that when I wake up tomorrow, I'm gonna hate you." The tears roll even faster now as he tries to hold back sobs.

I don't know how to comfort people. I've never been around a crying person before. I place my hand on his cheek, trying to wipe away the tear tracks. He looks up at me with his sad, dull blue eyes. It breaks my heart. He leans into my hand, even putting his own hand over it.

"I don't want to forget this." he moves out hands to his chest. "I don't want to forget you."

"You won't forget me."

"I'll forget this you." He squeezes my hand. "I'll forget that you... Actually love me, despite everything I've ever done to you. Christ Baz you actually love me."

He's staring at me intensely through his tears. I don't know what to say to him. Simon Snow has actually managed to render me speechless. It's amazing what he can do to me.

"I don't want to wake up and think that I have to hate you because I  _don't_." He rubs his nose with the back of his hand. "Or at least I don't want to. I don't wanna hurt you Baz."

I don't know what to say to him. I normally have a thousand words at the tip of my tongue to throw at him, now I have nothing. I don't know how to comfort him, this isn't some sort of situation I can fix or reassure him on. But then again, tomorrow it won't even matter if I comfort him now. He's going to hate me. I need to remember this is just a spell. 

Just a sick, twisted spell.

While I still can, I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him because I don't know what else to do. He's sobbing into my shoulder as I'm just holding him steadily. I don't want to let him go. But I have to.

* * *

 

**SIMON**

I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a truck that was on fire. My face feels puffy and my pillow has an extra two wet stains on it than usual. Had I been crying last night? I don't remember crying. In fact, I don't remember much about last night. I remember going to the library with Penny for some huge book and then... nothing. I must have passed out while she was freaking out over the book and then taken me back to my room. Penny's such a good friend, despite dragging me out past curfew to steal books. Can't she just check them out?

Sitting up I realize how fucking warm the room is. Why the shit is it always so hot in here? It's unbearable. I lift myself out of my bed and open the fucking window. I notice a strange, faint black smear on my hand but I shrug it off. Probably just some ink that didn't wash off.

"Snow?" Baz asks, his voice still rough from waking up. His hair is all out of place as if someone had been grabbing at it and ruffling it all.

"What?" I say. I don't want to deal with him in the mornings, especially when I feel like I got thrown against some concrete.

"Are you... Alright?" He questions, concern in his voice. Since when does Baz care about my wellbeing?

"I was," I comment. Baz looks to the ground momentarily. Almost as if he were sad. He's always sad. Depressed vampire bastard. "I'm going for a shower, see ya in a bit."

Baz stays silent. Weirdly silent. Is he plotting something? Dumb question, he's always plotting something. I make my way to the bathroom anyway. What if he's but something toxic in my shampoo? Maybe he's spelled the shower head to only give out boiling hot water to try and melt my skin off. Maybe he cast  **Slippery when wet** on the floor so that once I set in the shower I'll slip, fall, hit my head, get a concussion, and probably fucking die. Maybe he'll do a classic and just fucking stab me in the shower. It wouldn't surprise me.

 _I don't wanna forget this_.

Before I can even start the shower I'm hit with a blinding headache. It's almost as if someone has shoved a dagger into my skull. A dagger that was on fire. Tipped with poison. Basically my head fucking hurts like shit. It's not the worst pain I've been in though, so I just continue with my shower. Hoping that I don't get murdered by fucking Baz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 MONTHS UNTIL WAYWARD SON BUT ALSO 3 MONTHS UNTIL I START MY ACTUAL FUCKING EXAMS YEET BOIS
> 
> Btw I wrote this entire fanfic just entered around that one angst point :P


	10. The Letters - BAZ

When I was younger, my father used to tell me a story.

It was the story of a knight who believed he needed nothing in life. He was the famed hero of the lands, having fought off (innocent) dragons and countless cruel kingdoms. Because of his heroism and bravery, he was offered the hand of the Princess, he had declined however saying that he had no need for something so meaningless as love. Until one day, he found himself captured by the beauty of a young peasant girl. Every moment he could he spent with this girl and she had enjoyed his company. However, when the time came, the knight had proposed to the girl. The girl had never loved the knight and so she refused. The knight was embarrassed and ashamed and so he never spoke to the girl again, but also never loving anyone after her.

I don't know what the moral of that story was meant to be, but I find myself relating to the knight in some ways (except for the heterosexual part, ew). I never believed in love, and now I'm in love with someone that I can never have. He will never love me, no matter how much I'm willing to love him.

I throw myself down onto my bed. Snow isn't back yet so I can sulk all I want, it's not like anyone can judge me. I shuffle around a little bit so my face isn't directly in the pillow and I hear the sound of paper crinkling. Confused, I sit up and lift my pillow - nothing there. I reach inside my pillow case, it's probably just the label after all, and shockingly, my hand touches something. Pulling it out I see it's a thin piece of paper, no more the size of my hand. On the paper there's writing, it's smudged chicken scratch but also undeniably Snow's handwriting.

I don't want to read it. Either it's some sort of death threat or something he wrote under the spell. I don't want to read it. He's probably going to get my hopes up high or cause me to never love again (just like the knight). I don't want to read it. And because I'm a constant disappointment to myself, I do.

_Baz_ _,_

_I may have ~~forgotton~~ forgotten what it feels like to hold you, to laugh with you, to love you like I did. But I swear by my sword I will come back to you. Be patient with me, after all I am an _ _~~abs~~ ~~a~~   ~~absolutte~~ absolute nightmare. I will try and hurt you, only because I don't know how else to act around you. You make my entire world spin on it's head. You make me feel things that I didn't think were real. I love you, always have, and always will, even if I don't know it yet. Please, wait for me._

_Love, (like you always have)  
_ _Simon <3._

It's cute that he thought that. As quiet tears roll softly down my face I set the paper aside on my night stand, I'll hide it somewhere later. If I look at it anymore then I'm going to start sobbing like a toddler who lost their favourite toy. Pitches don't sob.

The door opens, and it's the last person I want to see.

* * *

 

**SIMON**

Baz is crying. Holy Crowley Baz is  _crying_? He's sat on his bed, he was sat alone in the room, crying, all by himself. I stay in the doorway for a minute, we're just staring at each other. Well, he's staring at me, and I'm staring at his tears. He was crying?

"Baz, are you-" He cuts me off.

"Fuck off, Snow," he spits out, getting up and charging his way over to the bathroom. I would follow him, but something white catches my eye.

It's a piece of paper sat upon Baz's night stand, one that isn't normally there ("Everything has it's place, Snow, you should know yours."). I try to connect the dots. Baz crying, and a piece of paper on his night stand. I find myself only coming to one natural conclusion.

Baz has finally plotted my demise, and he was crying of joy. I have to tell Penny. I grab the piece of paper off the nightstand and make a run for the library before Baz can get out of the bathroom.

* * *

 

Penny and Agatha are sat in a secluded area of the library, a small corner where no one really looks. I hear them speaking some gibberish about 'a door ay' or something. But I sit myself down next to Agatha and interrupt them.

"Simon!" Penny whisper shouts, annoyed at me. I guess I did just drop in unannounced, but this is important.

"Penny, Aggy, I have vital information."

"Cook Pritchard is gonna stop baking scones?" Agatha giggles.

"What? No, he's not is he?"

"No he isn't Simon. What is it?" Penny asks, now intrigued.

"It's about Baz." The girls groan. Penny is about to speak but I, as politely as I can, shut her up. "I found his plot to kill me."

"What?" Agatha asks, confused. Penny looks at me as if I just said the sun doesn't exist. I start nodding.

"It's all on this piece of paper." I slam it down onto the table in front of us. The girls look at me suspiciously. "I'll prove it! Just listen," I start reading it aloud.

 _Baz,_ it's addressed to Baz? Oh, maybe it's from his family about the perfect plot to kill me!

 _I may have ~~forgotton~~ forgotten what it feels like to hold you, to laugh with you, to love you like I did- _Hold on, is this a love letter addressed to Baz? Oh no, I shouldn't read this. I still do.

 _But I swear by my sword I will come back to you._  Aw, that's kinda cute.

 _Be patient with me, after all I am an_ _ ~~abs~~ ~~a~~   ~~absolutte~~ absolute nightmare. _Strange, Baz calls me an absolute nightmare.

 _I will try and hurt you, only because I don't know how else to act around you._  That's weird...

 _You make my entire world spin on it's head. You make me feel things that I didn't think were real. I love you, always have, and always will, even if I don't know it yet._  How can you not know if you're in love with someone?

_Please, wait for me._

_Love, (like you always have)  
_ _Simon <3._

"What the fuck?" It's... from me? I wrote this letter to Baz? I don't remember writing anything to him, much less a love letter. I didn't write this. Maybe this is just some kinda prank on him, right? But now I look at it, it is my handwriting. Did I write this?

Penny's hands hold mine and I don't even realize I'm shaking until that point. I look at Penny and she seems nothing but sympathetic. Agatha wraps her arm around my shoulder. What's going on.

"Simon,"

"We should've told you." Agatha rubs my back. Penny reaches into her back and hands me another slip of paper. I don't think I should take it. I do. "You told me that I shouldn't give you this letter, but I think you need it."

_Pen,_

_I'm writing this to you because I know I'm going to forget about it all. Every moment. So please, I'm begging you, don't let me hurt Baz. This week I was the happiest I've ever felt and Pen, the way he smiled at me when he looked at me... I was in love. I am in love. I just haven't realized it yet. Crowley, I love him so much and it hurts that I have to forget about it. I love him Penny. I really do love him._

_\- Simon_

I'm still shaking. I fell in love with Baz? But I'm not even gay! Am I? I never really thought about it. I mean, sure blokes are attractive and what not but it's not like I've ever considered dating one! Have I? That's not important right now.

"Penny," I keep control of my voice, just barely. "What exactly did I forget?"

She huffs. "It's a  _long_ story."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simon: I've connected the two dots  
> Penny: You didn't connect shit  
> Simon: I've connected them
> 
> Also one of my original plans for this fic was to not include the Love Spell Week so that Simon would keep finding all these letters he wrote and ooooh I'm onto another fic idea I need to write this down----


	11. The Confusion - SIMON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone find me a gf pls I'm so lonely

"I fell in love with Baz?"

"Well, not exactly-"

"Okay, this past week I've been all over Baz, my worst enemy, because I was hit with a love spell that I just woke up and forgot about one morning because let's be honest, magic is fucked up."

"Yeah pretty much," Agatha confirms, distractedly twirling her hair around her finger. She seemed zoned out for a while now. I guess she just didn't care enough. That's fair.

This past week, I was in love with Baz, and now I don't remember a moment of it. I probably threw myself all over him; I'm surprised I'm not dead right now. Baz should've killed me. Hell, he always threatens to kill me when I accidentally leave a shirt on his side of the room. If I'm not dead, then how the hell did Baz react when I was... Not in control? Did he just shove me off to one side? Probably. I might have been able to distract him from his plotting so that's good I guess.

"Maybe you should go talk to Baz, apologize for this," Penny suggests. But before I can even say anything Agatha slams her hands on the table.

"Simon can't apologize for this!"

"Why not?"

"Because then Baz will know that he knows!" Agatha said. She actually brought up a good point. "It'll hurt him!" What?

"Agatha we're not going along with your 'Baz loves Simon' theory." What?! Agatha stares down at Penny as if she'd just fucked up big time.

"You weren't meant to tell him about that!" Agatha groans, her head falling back.

"You think that Baz is in love with me?" I ask, my voice higher than it normally is. What the fuck? Why the hell would Agatha think that? Baz is my mortal enemy! We're going to kill each other on the battlefield someday! How the hell could someone as twisted and evil fall in love with me? Is Baz even gay? I thought he liked Agatha.

"Not just that, I think that you're secretly in love with Baz too," Agatha admits.

"What the actual fuck?"

"Agatha I think we should stop talking about this already."

"Yeah, I think you should," I say, standing up and leaving. I'm pretty sure I hear one of them call for me, but I have other business to attend to.

* * *

 

**BAZ**

I've never felt particularly alive, so I always thought that I just feel hollow - missing a soul. But now I know what it means to truly be empty. To have everything you ever wanted dangling above your face, tempting you to take it, and the minute you grab a hold of it, it's stripped out of your hands by fate left to hang even higher than it ever was. And even then I'm left standing there, reaching out for it, even though I know it's hopeless.

Simon Snow will never love me. Simon Snow will never like me. Simon Snow will never tolerate me.

The closest I will ever get to him again is the fatal day where we meet on the battlefield and he pierces my body with that sword of his, and then, only then, will I tell him that I love him.

The door slams shut, I only then notice that Snow is standing in front of it, staring down at me on my bed with my book. He has this look on his face - something between frustration and confusion. Something I think he feels a lot towards me. _I love you, always have, and always will, even if I don't know it yet._ I shut out the kind words he wrote.  
"Baz," he breathes. And oh, okay that's new. "Can I do something insane?"

“You already are. You're existing." He rolls his eyes at that. I smile to myself a little, flipping to the next page of my book. It's easier to be mean to him.

"Yes or no?" He asks, impatient. I eventually sigh and nod. It doesn't matter if I say yes or no, I think he'd probably do it anyway.

 __He seems jittery. His hands are shaking, but slowly he starts moving towards me. I feel a dip in the mattress and I turn my head to stare at him. His face is in front of mine. What's going on? He's eye-level with me. I put my book down off to the side. I should push him off the bed, watch him fall to the ground, laugh in his face. But I can't. He moves hair out of my face and leaves his hand tangled with it; he's staring at my mouth. Is he going to... No. Impossible.

I can feel his breath against my lips and I freeze. What is he doing? Is this some cruel trick? Then again I don't think Snow is smart enough to figure me out. I close my eyes, there's no way he's going to do this.

"Fuck!" He curses, pulling himself away from me completely. Crowley. He's gone and fucked off over to his bed, grasping at his own hair this time, the golden curls wrapping around his stubby fingers.

"What was that?" I question, trying impossibly hard to make my voice not shake. It's only a little effective.

His dull blue eyes stare at me hopelessly. "I know about last week."

Those words shake me to the core. Bunce. She probably told him. I'll have to remind myself to personally kill her. Snow looks a little strange. His shoulders are hunched and his hands are constantly moving against each other.

"I didn't... Try anything with you, did I?"

"Crowley, no."

"That's good-"

"I mean, you tried to kiss me once."

"I what?"

"When you first woke up, the minute you saw me you..." I pause, remembering the feel of his warm kiss against my cheek. "But it doesn't matter. It's over now."

"Merlin Baz I- I'm sorry." He apologizes and wow. A lot of new things are happening tonight. This is their first time in eight years that Snow has ever apologized. It feels kind of weird.

"It's nothing. You weren't in control of yourself, It wasn't your fault."

"I still shouldn't have tried to-"

"Snow, it's fine."

"Baz I-"

"Shhh."

"I just-"

"Hush."

"I worry-"

"Don't."

"But-"

"Snow."

He stops talking for a minute. Then he starts laughing loudly. He's so beautiful when he laughs. If I could bottle up that sound and keep it with me forever then I would. I absolutely love him, and I don't think I'll ever stop loving him, no matter how much I want to. He laughs for a couple minutes to himself before he stops, lying back on his bed. I then watch as his face twists to something a little less full of delight.

"There's just one thing I need to ask about." His tone makes me worry, but I can't let him know that.

"What's that?"

"Did you read the letter I 'gave' to you?"

"Yes?" Where is this going?

"When I signed off, I wrote something weird," he pauses, licking his lips. Oh no, what did he write again? Fuck, what was it? "It said 'Love, like you always have', what does that mean?"

And now I know, that I am utterly and hopelessly, fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I should really finish writing my Snowbaz fics because If I write anything else then I'll most likely abandon them for awhile  
> Also me: SiX oF cRoWs GroUpcHaT fIc
> 
> I can't find any, if you know any please send them my way I am in NEED


	12. The End - BAZ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY BUT I HAD TO COMPLETELY CHANGE MY USERNAME BC MY FRIEND FOUND MY TUMBLR AND ON THAT TUMBLR THERE WAS A POST ABOUT AN OLD FANFIC THAT I DELETED A WHILE AGO SO TO MAKE SURE THAT SHE DIDN'T FIND MY FANFICTIONS I HAD TO CHANGE MY USERNAME THIS WAS WOLFETTETHEDEMON I'M SORRY ABOUT ANY CONFUSION
> 
> EDIT: NVM SHE FOLLOWED MY TUMBLR NOW I CAN SUBTLY EXPOSE HER

"It said 'Love, like you always have', what does that mean?"

How the fuck do I respond to that? Tell him I've been in love with him for three years? Fuck that.

"Sarcasm, obviously." That works.

"Oh, alright." Snow sounds... Disappointed? What did he want me to tell him? That I'm in love with him? Because it _is_ true and I would tell him if I wasn't such a coward. I'd tell him that every day of my life if I could. But I can't. I can never tell him the truth.

I wish I could though. I wish I could tell him everything I love about him. I wish I could kiss each little mole that graces his golden skin. I wish I could hold him close to me and listen to his gentle heartbeat as we fade to sleep. I wish I could kiss him.

"Fuck it."

Snow's moving. Snow's moving towards me again. He's closer. He's leaning over me. He's on top of me, his hands beside each side of my head. Leaning closer and closer; I close my eyes. He hesitates. We're back to the place we were not even an hour ago. I feel his soft breath on my skin again- It's refreshing.

"Tell me to stop," he mutters. Crowley, is he actually going to do this? Surely not. Snow is able to do many things, kissing me isn't one of them.

"Now why would I do that?" _It's not like you're going to do it anyway_. But apparently, Snow thinks that I meant something different and gets even closer.

He's kissing me.

Simon Snow is actually _kissing me_.

Aleister Crowley, now he's officially gone mad.

* * *

 

**SIMON**

I've never kissed a boy before, so I'm not sure if it's meant to feel different. But Merlin, this certainly does.

And I don't just mean the fact that Baz's mouth is a little colder (not sure if that's the vampirism or the boy...ism) but it feels better. I regret not having done this earlier when I had come in. I regret not having done this sooner with Baz. Of course, Baz is my enemy, so this is kinda weird. _If he was really your enemy then why is he trying to kiss you back?_ I don't know brain maybe he's desperate?

Is this even a good kiss? I don't know. I've only ever kissed one person before. Oh, Crowley, I'm probably embarrassing myself.

* * *

 

**BAZ**

Snow is going to be my undoing. He's doing this nice thing with his chin (up and down, tilting his head) and I'm coming apart. I slip my hand to the back of his neck to try and pull him closer. I need him closer. I'm scared that I might bite him (I don't think I will though).

Snow's mouth is hot. Everything is hot. I can't think. He's pushing me down so I'm pushing him back up. Even when we kiss we seem to fight. _This is so much better than fighting._

* * *

 

**SIMON**

I like him like this. Under my thumb. Under my hands. Not off plotting and scheming somewhere I can't reach. _I finally got you. I finally got you where I want you._

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

**BAZ**

"You can not eat all of those."

"Not with that attitude I can't," Simon says, shoving another buttered-up scone into his mouth. I swear he's a fucking squirrel sometimes. Adorable, but also stupid.

"Simon, I'm begging you, for your arteries," Bunce pleads, trying to pull the plate away from him. Simon just snatches it back from her.

"I'm here for a good time Pen, not a long time."

Wellbelove snorts. "As if that hasn't been your entire life motto."

Simon smiles stupidly before starting to lather up another fucking scone. Crowley, I love him. The idle chatter and worry over Simon's general health continues smoothly. I can't believe that I'm sat with Simon and his friends and I'm actually enjoying myself. They're not accusing me of plotting or giving me a foul look. Instead, we're laughing together. Of course, there are a few trust issues still, but it's nice. I like it here.

Simon squeezes my hand under the table and smiles at me. I notice small little crumbs at the side of his face and I entertain the idea of licking them off his face (because I'm disturbed) but I don't. Instead, I wipe them off his face and then I kiss his stupid face. Wellbelove groans, but I find that I don't particularly care.

"Gross," Bunce mutters under her breath. But with my 'super vampire hearing' (As Snow so eloquently dubbed it) picked it up

"You're just jealous you can't kiss your American boy toy," I tease. Bunce rolls her eyes.

"How is Micah by the way?" Wellbelove asks. The girls descend into another conversation that I zone out of, only picking up little bits and pieces.

Snow's running his calloused thumb along my knuckles. It's a strange feeling, but none the less endearing. Merlin and Morgana, I'm so in love with him. And he deserves to know. I lean closer to him.

"Simon..." I say.

And then he kisses me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baz, beating his feelings with his wand: GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU CAME FROM  
> Simon, pushing Baz's feelings towards him: WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS MOTHERFUCKER
> 
> sO now that this fic is officially over (kinda rushed the ending I think, may edit later)... Wow. What do y'all want next because I really need to get back into this kinda writing style and I like writing Baz SO MUCH, RAINBOW I GET IT.
> 
> Personally I'm thinking some sort of Soulmate AU but like.... Which kind of soulmate au.....  
> Or possibly a youtube au bc I feel like we don't have enough of those... But that would also be a modern au and I kinda like the Carry On world...

**Author's Note:**

> Did- did I write that????? Holy shit I haven't written anything in that format (and published it) in so long what the fuck. 
> 
> I know it's still short but I'm getting used to writing like this again. I'm so used to text fics that I forgot how to word.


End file.
